In the past two days, I have watched the murders of both Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. This is not something I normally do. Having spent the last few years and the last several decades immersed in the narrative of trauma, watching and reading the detailed histories of all those recently killed through yt police brutality was not enticing. A friend and I were messaging earlier. During our chat, I found myself with the question of “Why now am I watching these?” This is the answer that took a seat next to me:
Because no one deserves to go through these things alone. I believe in energy. I believe in the power of witness, both as a means of quiet presence and as a means to help carry the weight of trauma-associated energy.
I didn’t want to watch such videos earlier because it felt exploitative – a level of sensational shock factor. But this is not why I watched today. And it is not why I will watch tomorrow.